someone get that fucking seahorse.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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