i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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