Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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