hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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