The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
