I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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