I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
