He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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