scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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