im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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