i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
