So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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