I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
