You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
