upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
