Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
