nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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