Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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