I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Hippo gnu deer
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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