have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
