so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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