3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
