i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
