they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
