glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i will never coherently bang her
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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