my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
