the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize