Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
