He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
