and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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