so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
