I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
