Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
