why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize