Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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