for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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