I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
