we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is Oprah even human
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
