He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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