Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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