I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
