just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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