it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
