I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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