Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm jealous of your bromance
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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