Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
