Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
