The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
