just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
