Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
