I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
