I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
