i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
