I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
