the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
