u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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