So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
