i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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