You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
