Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
