This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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