How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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