she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
