I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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