you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
