Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
