Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
