i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
