I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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