Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
