How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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