I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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