I am puke
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
