I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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