I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
