Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
