And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just had sex on a roof
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
