I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
