I wish I could teleport
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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